12 Phrases That Make Nannies Cringe
By Michelle LaRowe
Reprinted from the Spring 2022 Issue of Nanny Magazine
Every industry has specific occupational terms and phrases that are only truly understood by those engaged in that industry. The nanny industry is no different. As nannies seek new positions in a competitive job market, here are twelve phrases that most nannies find cringeworthy.
1. Light housekeeping. If there’s ever been a phrase that should be eliminated from a nanny employer’s vocabulary, it should be light housekeeping. For different families, light housekeeping means different things. While originally intended to reflect things like wiping down the counter after preparing children’s meals, loading the dishwasher after feeding the children lunch, and sweeping or vacuuming up any childcare-related messes, this catchall phrase has come to include, depending on the family, everything but scrubbing toilets and mopping floors. One way nannies can avoid the ambiguity related to this phrase is to ensure their contract spells out what light housekeeping entails. Instead of cleaning the children’s rooms, aim for specific language like “vacuum the children’s rugs once per week” or “disinfect the changing table daily.”
2. Flexibility. While most nannies understand that flexibility is part of the job, when flexibility really means twenty-four-seven availability, there lies the problem. Running late occasionally because of traffic or a work emergency is expected—and much different than setting the nanny’s end time to 5:00 p.m. but never returning home before 5:30 p.m. If nannies notice a shift, and their end time is consistently later than agreed upon, even if just by fifteen minutes each day, they should approach the parents and ask if shifting their schedule would work for them. After all, the parents have been unable to get home at the agreed-upon time.
3. For the right person. When seeking a nanny, it’s not uncommon for parents to agree to do x, y, or z—for the right person. The issue with this concept is the failure to understand that the “right person” is the person who can work the family’s job and meet the family’s needs. When parents make exceptions or accommodations for candidates that don’t meet their needs, resentment can build up. When interviewing for positions, nannies should consider whether they can meet the family’s needs and avoid accepting positions where the parents must really bend to make the job work.
4. Can you do me a favor? Have truer words ever been spoken in the nanny world than today’s favor is tomorrow’s chore? In true nanny lingo, this is the definition of job creep. The first time a nanny shows up on a Monday and loads the dishwasher, it sets the stage for that becoming the new weekly duty. Of course, nannies tend to pitch in and do what is needed to support their work families, but when acts of kindness become new expectations, therein lies the rub. If a family begins to have new expectations, it’s important to address them. If you’re willing to add the task to your routine, offer to do so—for compensation. “It seems like loading the dishwasher has been super helpful for your guys. Would you like me to start my shift fifteen minutes earlier each Monday so I can manage that for you?” If you’re not, you’ll need to address that too. “I’m finding it really hard to get breakfast ready on Monday mornings when the sink and counter aren’t available. Is there something we can do to resolve this?”
5. I’m running late. Enter the never-ending workday, where you can’t leave until you’re relieved, and you have no idea when that will happen. Running late is expected on occasion—and one of the benefits of nanny care for parents is not paying by the minute for being late. But when running late becomes the norm, it becomes problematic—especially when there’s no communication of an expected return home time. If you notice tardiness is a habit, speak up. Offer to adjust your schedule, or ask how you’ll be compensated for these unplanned workday extensions. Expecting the nanny to stay late without notice, outside of the occasional situation that is outside of the employer’s control, demonstrates a lack of respect for the nanny’s time and life outside of work.
6. No pet care required. While most parents are careful to let prospective nannies know that there is no pet care required for the position, that usually isn’t possible. Where there are pets, there is additional work. From letting the dog out, to giving water to the cat, to “helping” the kids clean the guinea pig’s cage, to dealing with accidents and pet messes—unless the nanny-family agreement is super specific about duties related to pets, chances are that the nanny will have to provide some type of pet care. While parents may agree to come home if the dog has an accident or needs to be taken to the vet in an emergency, in practice, the expectation will usually fall to the nanny.
7. One parent works from home. “We have a home office,” they say. “We work completely separately,” they tell you. Everyone underestimates the impact of multiple transitions on young children when parents consistently come in and out of the room and the undermining of the nanny-child relationship that happens when the nanny is not allowed to soothe and comfort the child and respond to the child’s needs. When considering working for at-home parents, it is essential to have boundaries in place. While the parents are, of course, entitled to have access to their children whenever and wherever they want, discussing concerns related to how multiple transitions impact the children are necessary to ensure everyone is on the same page with regard to who has responsibility for the child and when. Eventually nannies and parents fall into a groove that works for everyone, but getting there can take time, tough conversations, and trial and error.
8. Chopping veggies. The gateway to family meal preparation is chopping vegetables and usually follows with light meal prep, then just tossing something in the oven, then following the recipe left on the counter. While most nannies realize preparing children’s meals is part of the job, when it comes to preparing meals for their families, most nannies would prefer not to. If you’re comfortable preparing meals and are passionate about cooking, a position that requires meal prep may be for you. If you’re a nanny who dreads turning on the oven, you’ll really want to explore the expectations around assisting with preparing family meals.
9. Care is only for the baby. The job description advertises that the family has three children, but two are in school, so care is primarily for the baby. Until snow days, summer vacation, school closures, or when someone is home sick. Although the children may be in school, who is responsible for picking them up if they are sick? For providing care if school is closed? For running the forgotten instrument up to school? It’s important that nannies articulate how they support all the children in the family, not just the ones who are home full time. Unlike with daycare, nannies aren’t paid per child; this sometimes leads to a misunderstanding on the parents’ part of how having a child in school impacts a nanny’s compensation.
10. Here’s your 1099. Most nannies learn quickly, albeit sometimes the hard way, that nannies are employees of the families for whom they work and are not independent contractors. While there are very few exceptions, like nannies who are employed by an agency, more and more nannies continue to demand fair and legal pay. Being paid legally and being correctly classified as an employee gives nannies access to benefits, including unemployment and Social Security, and creates a legitimate work history, which is needed for buying a home or car on credit.
11. Travel around the world. Working for a family who travels can be a perk—if you love to travel and are insistent on having a travel clause or separate travel contract. It can be easy for parents to forget it’s not their nanny’s vacation, especially when they are footing the bill for the trip. However, having to travel with a family means leaving your own routine and family and working in a different location. In addition to being compensated for all hours worked, savvy nannies who travel with families often require a travel stipend, a set number of hours off each day, and their own sleeping quarters separate from those of the children—especially if they aren’t getting paid for the hours that require overnight supervision.
12. This is an easy job. Said no truthful parent ever. While of course there are aspects of every job that are easier than others, providing high-quality care is no easy feat. When parents overestimate how angelic their children are or fail to acknowledge that providing consistent, high-quality care for children is not easy, nannies can expect to have a difficult time getting parent buy-in to correct undesirable behaviors and managing realistic expectations of what can be accomplished during the day.
As nannies wade through job descriptions and conversations with potential and current employers, it’s essential to ensure that everyone is speaking the same language. When the understanding is clear, both nannies and families can evaluate whether the expectations are appropriate and working for them.
In a February 2022 poll of over 225 nanny members from the Facebook group Nanny Professional Development Opportunities, more than 100 nannies, when given a list of the five most cringeworthy phrases, said light housekeeping was the most cringeworthy phrase, followed by I’m running late and flexibility.
Thank you to those who shared feedback in this group.