The Science Behind Positive Discipline

Discipline can be stressful when you don’t have the right tools to face the everyday challenges of a parent and nanny. Discipline is often misinterpreted and reduced to traditional methods—such as punishment or rewards—that may address the behavior in the short term but fail to build the essential characteristics and life skills children need. Positive Discipline proposes a paradigm shift from thinking of discipline as a challenge to an opportunity to teach the important skills children need (Nelsen, 2006).

Positive Discipline offers tools that are both theory and research based that focus not only on addressing the challenging behavior in the short term but also foster social-emotional learning for the long term. The Science Behind Positive Discipline Positive Discipline is a model based on Adlerian psychology. It is used by parents, nannies, and teachers to create respectful, responsible, resilient, and resourceful children. This philosophy was developed by Jane Nelsen, EdD, and is a model that can be applied to both children and adults to help individuals become contributing members of their communities.

Positive Discipline is built upon the theories of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs, and it follows five key principles:

1. It helps children feel a sense of connection (i.e., belonging and significance).

2. It is mutually respectful and encouraging—kind and firm at the same time.

3. It is effective long term and considers what the child is thinking, feeling, learning, and deciding about themself in the world.

4. It teaches important social and life skills, such as respect, concern for others, problem-solving, communication, and cooperation.

5. It invites children to discover how capable they are.

What the Research Says

A recent randomized controlled study provides strong evidence supporting Positive Discipline as an effective parent education program (Ferguson & Gfroerer, 2023). In the study, 258 parents or caregivers were assigned either to a six-week Positive Discipline training or a waitlist control group. Parents who attended at least four sessions showed significant reductions in authoritarian attitudes, overreactivity, and harsh parenting practices. After the control group also completed the training, participants demonstrated increased use of Positive Discipline tools and a significant decrease in corporal punishment. These findings suggest that Positive Discipline helps parents and caregivers shift from punitive approaches to more respectful, effective responses to child behavior. The results affirm Positive Discipline as an evidence-based practice aligned with Adlerian principles and responsive to current concerns about overly harsh or authoritarian parenting (Ferguson-Dreikurs & Gfroerer, 2023).

Connection Before Correction

Studies in attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, show that “secure attachment has been linked to greater emotional regulation, social competence, and resilience, forming the foundation for healthy interpersonal relationships and adaptive coping strategies throughout life” (Thompson, 2008, p. 24). Positive Discipline aligns with this by prioritizing the connection with the child first; correction can be addressed once the child has regulated. Adults––either parents, nannies, or teachers––can act as co regulators, but in order to do so, connection is key. When children feel safe and understood, they are more likely to listen, cooperate, and learn from mistakes.

Brain Science and Behavior

Positive Discipline takes Daniel Siegel’s work on brain development and neuroscience to support the effectiveness and applicability of Positive Discipline tools when addressing misbehavior. “A key goal of parenting is to help the child develop a well-integrated prefrontal cortex, so that over time, they can regulate their emotions and behaviors independently” (Siegel & Bryson, 2011, p. 41). Teaching about how the prefrontal cortex—the brain region responsible for impulse control, planning, and decision-making—does not fully mature until the mid-twenties allows adults to better understand why children struggle to self-regulate and why it is important to build connections and to address any corrections once the child is regulated.

Punishments and rewards result in children’s behavior being dependent on an external locus of control instead of an internal locus of control. Fear-based tactics activate the amygdala (the brain’s fear center), impairing the child’s ability to learn and self-regulate. “Because the prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher-order thinking, problem-solving, and emotional regulation, it functions best when children feel safe, connected, and calm. Discipline that engages this part of the brain promotes lasting behavioral change” (Siegel & Bryson, 2011, p. 36). That’s why Positive Discipline strategies focus on engaging the rational brain through encouragement, problem-solving, and modeling calm behavior.

Internal Motivation vs. External Motivation

Research from self-determination theory demonstrates that autonomy, competence, and relatedness foster intrinsic motivation. “Social environments that are autonomy supportive, that provide optimal challenges, and that convey meaningful rationales and acknowledgment of feelings, facilitate intrinsic motivation by satisfying the basic psychological needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness” (Deci & Ryan, 1985, p. 245). When children are encouraged, involved in solutions, and feel capable, they are more motivated to follow routines, agreements, and complete tasks—not because of fear or reward, but because they internalize the values behind the behavior.

Practical Ways to Implement Positive Discipline

Positive Discipline requires intentionality and consistency and can be adaptable for families, classrooms, and communities. Here are practical ways to implement some Positive Discipline tools.

Focus on Connection. Before addressing a behavior, take a moment to connect. Use a calm tone or approach the child at their eye level. A simple phrase can diffuse tension and open the door to cooperation.

Set Limits. Positive Discipline is neither permissive nor punitive. State expectations respectfully, take time for training, and involve children in agreements. Involve Children in Solutions. When conflicts arise, involve children in problem-solving.

Ask: What happened? How do you feel? What can we do to make it better? This encourages responsibility and critical thinking. It also helps shift from blame and shame to an opportunity to connect and learn.

Use Encouragement, Not Praise. Encouragement focuses on effort and improvement rather than judgment. This builds self-efficacy and intrinsic motivation. Praise, on the other hand, is a verbal reward and invites dependency on others for continued verbal approval.

Create Routines. Routines reduce power struggles and help children know what to expect. Visual schedules or routine charts empower children to take responsibility for daily tasks.

Model What You Want to See. Children learn more from what we do than what we say. Demonstrate respectful problem-solving, emotional regulation, and empathy in your interactions.

Positive Discipline is not a quick fix—it’s a long-term investment in raising capable and self-reliant individuals. By understanding the science behind the behavior, implementing respectful strategies, and modeling self-regulation, parents, nannies, and other caregivers create an environment where children thrive. Discipline, after all, is about teaching, not shaming and blaming through the use of punishment. Decades of research show that punishment can actually make challenging behaviors worse, whereas Positive Discipline, when practiced regularly, can be one of the greatest gifts we can give our children!

Want to learn more? Go to https://positivediscipline.org/ where you can find our parenting class schedule and learn more information about our certification workshops for parents and caregivers. If you have any questions, info@positivediscipline.org.

Dr. Kelly Gfroerer is the executive director for the Positive Discipline Association. She is a Positive Discipline trainer. Kelly has been a teacher, school counselor, and educational consultant working in the Atlanta area for over two decades. Kelly is coauthor with Dr. Jane Nelsen of the book Positive Discipline— Tools for Teachers. It is based on the Positive Discipline Tool Cards for Teachers, which they also created.

Melanie López holds a degree in clinical psychology and is a certified Positive Discipline Educator. She currently serves as the training coordinator for the Positive Discipline Association. With over seven years of experience, Melanie has led social-emotional education workshops for children ages five to twelve. She also holds a Level 1 Certification in Mindfulness and has completed numerous trauma informed workshops and courses.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4899-2271-7

Ferguson, E. D., & Gfroerer, K. P. (2023). Evaluating the efficacy of Positive Discipline parent education. Journal of Individual Psychology, https://doi.org/10.1353/jip.2023.a904854

Nelsen, J. (2006). Positive Discipline (Rev. ed.). Ballantine Books

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Delacorte Press.

Thompson, R. A. (2008). Early attachment and later development: Familiar questions, new answers. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (2nd ed., pp. 348–365). GuilfordPress.